How not to lose your mind during infertility treatment - Christmas edition

For most people, Christmas is a time of calm and peace. But some couples aren’t that lucky, especially those unsuccessfully trying to start their own family. While some families or couples with children enjoy the holiday atmosphere with cookie baking, gift-prepping or cozy evenings at Christmas markets with a cup of mulled wine, for others it can feel like a frustrating time.

A lot of couples find that during the holidays, more than anytime else - they face the disappointment of unfulfilled dreams, unsuccessful treatment attempts, or unpleasant questions from loved ones. So let’s look at how you can maintain mental stability even during the festive season. 

First step: take a moment to notice what’s really bothering you. Is it the questions from relatives or the saccharine holiday vibes? Then, write everything down to get clarity and focus on yourself for a while. Give yourself time to ask: What do I need right now? Each partner individually, and also as a couple. 

If you’re not sure how to start, our psychologist Adriana Tomešová prepared a small guide to help you navigate your feelings, especially during holidays, and plan the best possible next steps in infertility treatment.

Often, your fertility-clinic doctor deals only with the physical side of treatment, and so the psychological burdens remain yours to carry. But don’t worry — you don’t have to face them alone. You just need to focus on a few steps that can help you get through this difficult period. 

Build your support system

First, list people, things, tasks, and resources that you can use as support when things get hard and stick to them. Here are some suggestions (and also proven practices): 

• Are you taking care of your basic needs: sleep, good nutrition, hydration?
   
• Who can you reach out to and share your emotional burden with?
   
• Who can you contact in moments of big crisis or mental breakdowns? Maybe a psychologist, psychotherapist, crisis center, or helpline? Setting up a first (informal) meeting in advance can help make support more accessible when you need it.
   
• Who could you talk to in a peer group — people going through similar experiences?
   
• What can you do to comfort yourself, alone or with your partner, whenever you have a tough day or are going through a rough patch?
   
• What small thing can you do for yourself today -  anything tiny that makes you feel better and helps you take care of yourself (even if it’s a small action)?
   

Plan small acts of self-kindness

Schedule one small, doable thing for each day of the upcoming month that brings you a bit of joy. Sometimes it's enough to light a candle, drink a cup of your favourite tea, play relaxing music or an interesting audio, learn a simple relaxation or meditation technique (like body-scan), go for a short walk, treat yourself to a little nap - basically anything that makes you feel better and doesn’t feel like a big, stressful commitment (financially or otherwise). 

Reflect — but gently

Try to gently think about how infertility treatment affects you psychologically and socially — but only to the degree that feels bearable. Some people prefer to think, others like to write their thoughts down. It depends on what feels natural for you.

Focus on these areas:

• Physical sensations - what do you feel in your body?
   
• Thoughts - what’s going through your mind, what do you believe or tell yourself?
   
• Emotions - which feelings are rising? Which are positive, which negative?
   
• Behaviour - how do you act in various situations? In general?
   
• Effects on relationships around you - how do family, friends, partner, coworkers view you; and how do you view them?
   
• Overall consequences - what has changed around you (positively or negatively) because of infertility treatment or because of the journey?
   

Redefine your mindset about the process

Try not to treat assisted reproduction or attempts at conceiving as a race for immediate success. Instead, imagine and accept it as a process - without deadlines, without counting cycles, not as a task to be completed. It might sound hard, but you’ll likely find it has a very positive effect. 

Don’t view a yet-unsuccessful attempt to get pregnant as a failure. Write down everything you’ve already done to try - and give yourself credit for how far you’ve come as a couple! 

Understand your options. Knowledge brings calm

Another helpful step is to educate yourself and explore all possible alternatives. Go through - in detail - all possible fertility-treatment options: from simple methods like ovulation stimulation and timed intercourse, through IUI, IVF, donation of eggs or sperm, and even adoption, with all their steps. Having that overview can bring peace of mind: you’ll realize there are more solutions than you might think. At the same time, you’ll be able to prepare a plan from A to Z for the future — know what you’re willing to try and where your boundaries are. 

Take some time with your partner, and again congratulate yourselves for the journey you’ve already completed. You’ve already survived so much; that will strengthen your resolve going forward. 

I deeply admire anyone who has the courage to go through the demanding path of assisted reproduction and to take care of their mental well-being under constant strain. 

If at any point you need advice or support - I’m here for you at Gynem. Don’t hesitate to reach out. 

Wishing you strength and hoping you’ll find calm, rest, and mental peace this holiday season.

Your,
Adriana Tomešová